How important is it to be physically attracted to your partner?

The world of dating has witnessed significant changes in the last few years. Gone are the days of old school romance which included stolen glances and communicating with smiles. Now, people have the option to choose their partners on dating apps. Swipe right and you have access to a whole pool of potential partners. 

If one has to be honest, the first thing taken into account about a person is usually his/her physical appearance. At least on these apps, it serves as a deciding factor regarding whether you will end up going on that first date, or give it a miss.

So, is it really important to be physically attracted to your partner? What if you are not? First things first, there’s nothing to worry if you do not feel initial attraction. Women are wired differently, and as their emotional attachment to a person grows, the physical attraction peaks almost instantly. 

Physical chemistry is generally the instant spark that you feel with a person. It’s the initial magnet that draws you closer to a person. This chemistry is something that does not include your partner’s personality, shared goals or anything else – it is only based on appearance. But, let’s get real, it isn’t like the movies where you fall in love with a person at first sight.

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Physical attraction is important, but not everything

Popular culture has made so many believe that appearance is everything. It is true that looks are probably the first step to selecting a romantic partner, but it shouldn’t be the only factor. A strong and healthy relationship isn’t about how a person looks, but how a person behaves. 

Real attraction is not just about appearances, but a combination of various aspects like physical, emotional, and spiritual connection along with friendship and other qualities. These are the factors that truly help you build a secure bond. Hence, it is important to focus on other aspects as well instead of limiting your relationship to your partner’s looks.  

Research suggests that we do not want partners who are extremely attractive, but those who are attractive enough. In a research conducted by Griffin and Langlois, a lack of attractiveness was associated with negative qualities, but moderate attractiveness was necessary to make one’s associations positive. 

Assess if you are physically attracted to anyone else

If your stance for your current partner does not change with time, then that might be a cause for concern. Noticing other men and feeling attracted to them means that there is nothing medically wrong with you but you definitely need to make a decision about your relationship.

On the other hand, if you aren’t attracted to anyone at all, then you may want to look at underlying medical conditions. It might mean that you have lost feelings of sexual desire which has nothing to do with your partner. Sometimes, hormonal birth control pills or antidepressants can really affect sex drive and desire. Even depression, stress and anxiety can cause certain changes and lead to reduced libido. Hence, it is important to have a chat with your physician for the best advice.

Address any resentment towards your partner

There could be a lack of physical chemistry with your partner if there’s some repressed anger towards him/her. Sometimes, you might not instantly be able to point out the exact cause of anger but if you take the time out to analyse your relationship, you might have your answers. These repressed feelings can contribute quite greatly to not feeling attracted to your partner.

Identifying your resentment might take some time and you may find it helpful to involve a counsellor. It could be that you were attracted to your partner previously but have noticed this attracted waning over time. Instances such as emotional betrayal or lack of consent could have caused this change. In such a situation, it is best to understand your emotions and then find a solution.

You might still be attracted to your ex

It could be that you were in a passionate relationship with someone before getting together with your current partner, but it just didn’t work out. Now, the relationship may have ended but maybe your feelings of attraction did not end. No wonder you don’t feel attracted to your current partner! Your energies might be focused on your ex. It is almost impossible to move forward this way. 

You can try to resolve these feelings by reducing or cutting all contact with your ex but you can also figure out if you want to give it a shot again. If you’re choosing to be with your current partner, then you should focus all your energy on your relationship to make it stronger.

Be honest about your struggle

If you’ve tried everything, yet nothing works, then it’s important to communicate your feelings to your partner. Your partner might have sensed that there’s something wrong, and it’s only fair to speak about it openly. Yes, the entire conversation might be upsetting, but it really is important to discuss.

Ladies, a relationship isn’t just about looks but having a physical connection can make it stronger.